Lonely Islands In A Sea Of Normalcy
Individualism is in
many ways the opposite of being a member of a group of "normal"
people. The more isolated and sheltered we are from people while growing up, whether
by barriers erected by protective parents, or by our own fears or personality,
the more likely we are to expect our lives and the people in them to behave
according to an individual plan we construct in our minds. The greater our
separation from people, the more we transform them into characters in plays we
author in our minds, expecting each person we meet to take their place in our
script and to faithfully play the role we have written for them. For the vast
majority, on opening night or soon thereafter, the players get restless, the
lines muddled, and the show slides downhill like a melodrama that just won't
work. As the story starts to fall apart, we find the fault to be with others.
The simple problem is every actor is also a writer, and writers seldom write
the same story.
People who grow up
close to other people learn at an early age that very few do what other people
expect them to do, no matter how "right" or "good" it may
seem. Those who understand the complexities of human beings are not surprised
when things go totally opposite to what they plan, and want. The many, many
people who for some reason have not been close enough to others to really
understand this are at the very least repeatedly hurt, and at worst devastated,
by the "failure" of others. They often seek solitude and peace in an
individualistic world of dream lovers and dream successes, a world where what
they want to happen does happen.
Anyone who thinks only
a few people fit that description does not realize that the world of dreams can
be as subtle as the escape offered by television, movies, books, and
particularly, as subtle as acceptance of the rhythm of daily lives filled with
repetitious "normal" patterns of living. Just as being
"normal" can make us part of a group, a veneer of
"normalcy" can help us hide within a group, relieve us from the need
to get to know other people, and protect us from hurt and disappointment. Some
will never wake from their individual dreams, others will be awakened only to
find themselves in the nightmare of a loveless reality they never dreamed
existed.
Is escape all that
bad? Without some release from reality, the pressures of living would perhaps
be too great for all but a few. Yet if we are to bring love into our lives, we
cannot ignore the very real obstacles to love that can only be dealt with in
the harsh reality of life. Someone who is always looking for a romantic prince
or princess will reject the real people around them who bring with them some
pain, but who also could be people the person could love and be loved by. To
hold back waiting for the storybook ending is to abandon the real, pure, and
true love you can choose to give to people, and to reject the love, however
imperfect, people are willing to give you. If we are to be more than observers
of life we cannot seek only those who are "perfect", for it is likely
that we will never find anyone who comes anywhere close to being
"perfect". We must love people, even if we are not loved, and be
willing to accept the inevitable and repeated rejection and defeat of a real
world where love plays but a small part.
It would be great if I
could tell you that it is likely this world will someday become a world filled
with people loving people, but I can't. Love is the guiding force for only a
few, a multitude of other goals control most lives. Often those who would
choose love if they understood the choice are prisoners of their lack of
understanding. What about those who understand and choose love, what can we
expect from them? Those who understand love and choose to love you now, may, at
some time in the future, choose not to love you. This leaves us with the
possibility of a world filled with forgiving love that does not demand
perfection, yet even that love is rarely seen.
Perhaps the best we
can ever expect is a world where each of us is willing to recognize and accept
that life is filled with imperfections and hatred and cruelties and loneliness,
yet also recognize and accept that no matter what the world is like, each of us
can choose to love one another. A world where some choose to love, while others
do not, is not an easy one to live in, yet given the nature of human existence,
it is the best we can expect. Many of those who say they love you, don't, and
are eventually going to hurt you. Some who love you one minute, will choose not
to love you the next, but that rejection of love is part of human behavior. It
does not have to be, but it is, and it will continue to be so as long as people
choose among all the multitude of pleasures that compete against love. No
matter what other people do, whether they love you or not, you can always
choose to love them. When you understand true love, you will know that you
should always choose to love people, even if you are not loved by them.
Perhaps the cloud of
living can never be pierced until a person knows and understands true love, for
each and every idea and belief that can be convincingly argued for and that can
pass all manner of manmade tests, may fail only when tested against true love. Many
are sincere when they declare their intentions to help their fellow human
beings, yet if people should love each other, they cannot really help anyone
until they understand and give true love. It is difficult to describe the state
of consciousness most of us live in, for that consciousness argues against
anything that might awaken us.
I see a distinct
difference between those who truly understand love and those who either think
they do, or think they have discovered something more important than love. That
distinction is clear only to those who truly know and understand love. Yet that
which blinds those who think they understand love, but in fact do not, also
makes it far, far more difficult for them to see any need to question their
beliefs, let alone to search their heart, mind, and soul for that which they
believe they have already found. Most people will never recognize that their
lives and beliefs may need exploring and changing. The great danger to humanity
is not any possibility that those who seek an understanding of love will not
find it, but rather that most people will never complete their search.
Those who do not
understand love often do not understand the need to understand love. The horror
is that masses of people will live their lives following invisible patterns,
without ever allowing themselves to question their reason for living, and will
die without ever having sought an understanding of love. The solution? There is
only one, and that is for you to search your heart, mind, soul, your very
being, and know and understand love.
At the start of our
discussion we asked you to put aside your questions about love until you
completed your search, and knew and understood love. The answers to those
questions, and the millions of other questions you will face throughout your
life, can come only from your understanding of the difference in what most
people mean when they use the word love, and in the love you found in your
heart, mind, and soul. I have yet to find a single question that does not have
real, true, pure, love as part of the answer. Those whose experience with
"love" has been bad, those whose response to hate has been anger,
those for whom love is simply one of several human emotions, none have
understood and given the true love that is inside them. Those who understand
love know why we have said that you should love even if you are not loved.
If you have completed
your search of heart, mind, and soul you already know the answer to the most
difficult of questions. You know that choosing to love people is part of the
answer to every question. Whether you realize it or not, you also know the rest
of the answer, which we will discuss next.